Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Never go to bed angry. Stay up and fight

and I have never accepted anything less from my opponent than complete and utter surrender...haha

and so we had a little discord yesterday night..

but instead of bickering and battering each other with harsh remarks and irrational tantrums, I choose to stay away for awhile (which I myself feel like ages) to compose myself so that I can come back to Fariz fresh and loving again..

I miss Fariz, I want to hear his voice so badly but Im trying hard to hold myself from calling him..and as a sign of protest, I didnt wake him up at 6 this morning and made him late for hoo..(he will forgive me, dont worry)..

I think people really do change, attitudes change, desires change, and levels of tolerance change...after some self-analysis and increasing appreciation for maintaining as much peace as possible in relationships and its importance, I hate to fight now..and will want to avoid it at all means..

I have come to a realization that standing up for myself doesnt always have to involve a fight..maybe sometimes it requires a concession..and with Fariz, everything is always fair and equal..if I treat him nice, he treats me nicer..whatever I give to him, he will give it back to me greater and vice versa..I have never thought that laying down my weapons could be so gratifying..

After all, Fariz is always so gentle and why cant I be? And why must I feel so imperative to win or to be right? Why must I operate too much out of emotion? I wont gain anything other than hurt and anguish will I? I can always let Fariz know that I am not happy with him in a nice way, without having to belittle him or being disrespectful and rude..and I know he appreciates that more than anything :)

I will call you back soon sayang..after writing this I feel much better..I can almost feel my heart recuperating and turning pink again ..

ps: but you better offer to submit yourself for punishment (although you know I will never make you do any of it and if I really want to I will find a toy to do it to :p)

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