my heart beats your name

The weekend was a piece of cake..I don't know how others feel but as I see it, everything turned out well and smooth sailing... and as cheesy as this may sound, Fariz was beyond perfect, he is a dream come true, as always..

and I wonder if it is safe now, to actually declare that Fariz is my first and only true love.. Lately I've had my mind changed about a lot of things. Such as, love has no past tense. There is no such word as loved and if you stop loving someone, then perhaps you have never truly loved them before in the first place..Right? No?

You know why? because nothing ever feels so right like this before...I never thought I would wake up one morning with a shinny rock sitting on my finger...and I never thought I would see the day when there is a great man out there who I can proudly call mine, my darling fiancé...

So.. I suppose this is how love feels like..or
how love is supposed to feel like

which one?

but anyway, most importantly...the great adventure of wedding prep is yet to begin! (or has it?) If you ask me, I am awfully afraid..of what? of many things..and I can go on and on about my long list of worries and uncertainties, but lets just not get me started..it is probably suffice if you know that paranoia is well associated in my genes.. and stress is my favourite word which I repeat every 10 minutes..at least you should be glad that as a woman I can blame things on PMS but on the I days I can't, I allow you to just believe that I am borderline crazy..

having said that, it became obvious that the #1 on my top to-do list is to keep my sanity intact. I see that maintaining as much peace and harmony as possible between me and Fariz (like we always had, trust me) as our priority. Because at the end, happiness is our goal. Aside from that, I believe, everything else will follow :)

E day

this had to be written in bold and with the largest font size available because I just can't begin to tell you how utterly happy I am today. I have no fancy words for this post because words are just not enough

So, here goes.. simple, direct and true...................
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I love you Fariz Helmi!

and I love love love everyone you love
and allllllll those who loves you too!

I googled you

Many times I find myself burying my face in this computer screen and thinking mmmm.. what should I google today?? Call me a geek, whatever..but honestly, I should be banned from google though, before I start googling my life away and end up with googlelitious or googlelism, whichever sounds better..

or even worse, before I end up into the habit of doing little researches on people who interest me and finding out not-so-pleasant things about them that I rather have not known, or should not know

but like today when I was just waaaay to curious about everyone and everything to have not done this one, I succumbed to the temptation and typed a few letters of my favourite word in that box, hit the 'enter' and voila! - found myself at farizhensem.fotopages yet again! clicking away through a bunch of unimpressive, unattractive (need me to say more?) old photos of him with silly captions and smiling to myself as I wonder how it would have been if I met him then, when we were just eighteen plus two :p

my verdict: even with the same twinkle in his eyes and a beaming smile painted across his face and that he is now fatter, Fariz looks waaay better as a man, than a boy

see? doesn't he look deep-fried oily and smelly
and what's with that pose? urrghh...soo-not-cool

and you know what else?
I scored some mushy photos of this darling of mine with his ex-girlfriend too! but no photos of them here of course with all due respect to the young lady, whoever she is and me for obvious reasons!

told you how informative google can be..but like everything else, too much googling can be bad..heh..

so ok I shall stop then, for now :p

life: random

the damsel in distress

Simple companionship and connectedness is often the meat and bones of any relationship but whether or not a long-distance relationship will work is one of those age-old questions in the department of love..and you want to know the worst part? LONG-DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP DOESN'T GET EASIER and I am hating every minute of it..

Without Fariz the world is bleak :( and whoever said that absence makes the heart grow fonder? owh well thank you, but you forgot to mention the loneliness that follows..

blaarghhh...

On a lighter note, which might come as a surprise for some- a big change is turning up in my life, and I am delighted (and nervous too) to take on all the challenges that I will be facing

but I hope all things will go well and stay alllllll well

so now if you could please just be kind, do not burst my bubble..

bacause my prince charming is coming to rescue his damsel in distress and gets her paradise :)

owh I cannot wait!

off you go

Fariz is heading off to Penang for a lads-only short holiday..to be completely honest, I rather have him travel down south and be with me than miles away with his mates..but he is always so dear to me and for that matter, I just can't bring myself to deny him the chance to embrace himself in the company of other Y chromosomes

but anyway, now to be fair, off you go sayang
and please be good, and if you can't be good, be careful
hopefully you will have a joyous trip which will take your mind of work and things, but not me..

weekend please come faster

Ahahaha

This is sooo me:



It is really hard, to get to bed..and, to wake up

bling bling boulevard

In the dazzling world of bling bling boulevard, things can get overwhelming in a flash.. Fariz and I have both talked all we want about getting married someday, but only until the moment I realised how busy he was hunting hi and lo for the perfect ring for me, it gets a lot more real..

The problem was neither of us had a good idea of what I wanted..to put it in another way, I also refused to pick the ring completely by myself and I wanted it to be a surprise, you know like the way they do it in hollywood, and Fariz was (kind of) up for the challenge...and as an add-on I even told him to not buy me what I like or he likes, instead to get me something that I deserve...but then he responded 'Noooooo sayang, don't put it that way coz you deserve the worrrrld..and I can 't afford to give you the world (just yet)'

:)

So, okaaaaaay since my blunt demand seemed to add to the pressure, I took back my words and emailed him pictures of a selection of rings that I am particularly fond of..with that I gave him a sense of my taste in jewelry..and then I put the ball in his court by telling him that I love his style too and I trust that he will choose something gorgeous after all..

and on Monday, Fariz finally decided on a ring that he thought was the most perfect ring the entire time he went ring hunting...and it seemed to me that his liking for that ring has overrides his desire to save some coin.. he went waaaaay waaay over the initial budget (and shamelessly told me about how much he begged and bargained the sales lady for more reduction) :p Now that is what I call spending ching for a bling!

Speaking of which, I will be only seeing the ring in two weeks time..right now it's still a mystery under lock and key..at the end of the day I don't think it matters what size, shape and setting the ring has as long as it is from Mohd Fariz Helmi!!

he is lovely isn't he? xxx

I cannot wait till we meet again

It must have been pretty annoying to visit here and realise that there is nothing new yet again..Pardon me for the short hiatus.. Just so that you all know, I am still breathing air and stepping on solid ground..except that life has not been the least bit interesting. Reason being? Me and Fariz haven't been going out for a bit too long which leaves me with so little, if none at all mushy things to write about..sigh..

but if you are wondering whether Fariz has given up being an angel and flying me high up on cloud nine, you are dead wrong and you should be envious.. because Fariz is still as totally amazing as the way he has always been

by that I mean those same ol' same ol' love texts that awaits me every morning, the casual small talk and silence that isn't awkward, the sound of his guitar and the songs he sings to me when I don't want to talk, but refuse to hang up either or the bedtime stories (which are actually Japanese manga) that he enthusiastically reads to me and finally the endless hugs and kisses before goodbye

you know, basically all those little tittle-tattles that colours the day and make you smile yourself to sleep and have the sweetest dreams..

I am in love with love

Falling in love has never been a problem to me..I am not meaning to sound shallow but I am likeable and I do have many people who have loved (and probably still love) me in my short lifespan. .I admit, I am gifted that way.. but that doesn't mean life and love have been all easy, even on me..

Like I said, as much as I love falling and being in love, I am terrified of taking a risk on something that feels this wonderful.. why am I afraid? because I know if it fails, it hurts miserably..and how do I know that? because I've learned about losing, the hard way (of course the hard way)..trust me, I've had my quaterlife crisis too..

In a twisted way, I am aware that the only way to protect myself from love is to abstain from it but I have no plan of doing so..It is probably time to throw the big fat caution to the wind and yet still be careful..and although there are times I wish I had my innocence back and can love with no fear, fully and deeply like I have never been hurt, I still know that I am capable of loving Fariz so much more than I have ever loved before...and the happiness (and potential bliss) we share is worth the risk of a broken heart..

I love you sayang, no less..only more every moment

"...it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day. Will you do something for me, please? Just picture your life for me? 30 years from now, 40 years from now? What's it look like?..."

Quoted from one of Fariz's all time favorite love story, The Notebook